I watched the movie Namkeen, starring Sanjeev Kumar, Sharmila Tagore, and Shabana Azmi. Suddenly, something struck my mind. Most of us live life in the name of family. To provide our children with the best education, to get them married, and to get them settled. Whenever a crisis hits the family, all members stay rock solid. Family members share happiness and sorrow. No other relationship compares well with family. Almost all parents have made their share of sacrifices for their families. 

On the other hand, a question is quite evident: “Is the purpose of human life limited to taking care of family and getting the children settled? Even if we assume it is, for a moment, it naturally implies that our children’s purpose in life will also be restricted to getting their children settled. Do we really believe so? So we think our children’s purpose in life is confined to raising their children and getting them married. What if they decide not to get married or not to have kids? What if they marry but decide not to have kids? What if they are unable to give birth to kids due to biological reasons? In all these cases, will their life be a waste? That’s rubbish. But if we believe the purpose of human life is just to be with family and have kids, that’s a natural corollary.

If we examine it further, we need to answer many more questions. When we say that the purpose of life is to take care of family, what does this taking care of mean? Does this mean making decisions for the children? Can we stay with the children all through their lives? No, none can. Then what does it mean to take care? Does it mean to provide sustenance to the children? Doesn’t it mean to make them dependent on us? Are we in a position to provide them with this support always? Nobody can.

Then what does it mean to take care of family? Have we been able to take care of ourselves? Are we happy? Have we done what we actually wanted to do in our lives? Have we discovered our own happiness? If not, when we make choices for the children, of course in their best interest, how do we know what’s best for them? We just follow the propaganda, the social narrative. We try to give them what’s best in the market. The most expensive dress, food, home, and education. Will that make them happy? Are we happy? If we have not been able to live happily, how does this mind, which has failed to ensure its own happiness, make decisions for the children to make them happy? 

Had the decisions, which apparently are in the best interest of family, been actually so, the world would not have been full of sorrow. I feel that the first and foremost duty of any human being is to understand oneself. To work on his own locus. To examine whether his actions are driven by fear, greed, and ambitions in different forms and, if so, to examine himself as to why love, freedom, and exploration are so badly missing in his life. Is he not trying to strengthen his self-image of being a “good man”, a “family man” and a “giver” in the eyes of society? Are his actions not driven by fear of failure? Are his actions not driven by fear of social criticism? Are his actions not driven by greed to strengthen his support system? Are his actions not driven by his ambitions to have an outstanding family?

I think the real test of the locus is when children want to exercise choices that go against their parents’ choices. Be it marrying someone of the same gender, marrying someone whose social status is inferior to the family, or marrying someone belonging to a different caste or religion. History shows that love magically evaporates in such situations. Why do parents discard their children? Why do the children fail to take care of their parents in their old age? Are we ready to question what we call love and actually face reality? No. Most of us are not. It’s very painful to accept reality about oneself, and that’s why it’s better to live with a mental story, and that’s what we do. If we stay stuck in a narrow framework for life, how will we inspire our kids to break free? Happiness is not a product of handling fears, accumulating resources out of greed, or following our ambitions. Happiness comes from living life passionately, doing what we love, exploring the unknown, and living freely while letting others live freely. A prisoner of social narratives is never free. If parents have not learned to live a life driven by love, freedom, and exploration, they may presume they are living in the name of family, but in reality they are just bringing up their children to be confined to the same cage. Love, freedom, and exploration are never so limited that they will just be confined to a family.