We can understand something only when we connect to it. This applies to human beings, nature, and everything else. We get to know a person by connecting with them, spending time with them, and listening. Scientists discover nature’s secrets by connecting with it. The more we connect, the more we get to know that person or nature. In that case, we should connect with more and more people. But why can’t we connect even with people we’re very close to? Often we find that husband and wife live under the same roof as strangers for decades. Why is that connection so much missing in real-life relationships?

The world is full of insecurities because we have never learnt to confront them. We’re told to find escapes, and we keep looking for more. Escapes with longer expiry dates, which can save us from more difficult situations and are always available. Unless we confront the fundamental fears, such as the fear of death, the fear of being nothing, the fear of life being meaningless, the fear of being cheated, and the fear of crisis. etc., we will remain fearful. It’s not easy to confront these fundamental fears because we are so used to escapes.

When we deal with people, with these fundamental fears intact and growing day by day, and the same fears existing in others in the same or a different form, forming that inner connection can become quite dangerous. When we connect with someone without a filter or firewall, we share all our fears. That makes us vulnerable. The other person may use this information, long buried in our dark chambers, to their advantage. We don’t know which fears lie buried in their dark chambers. That’s why building these inner connections may not be easy, and people often face heartbreak.

Each of us has found one winning formula or the other to handle our fears. Some people start believing in one concept, and others in the other. We all form different belief systems, create different meanings of life, and are often fixated on them. When people connect, their deep-rooted belief systems can clash, and conflict often follows.

What matters in these situations? Will the relationship grow beyond these fears and the clash of belief systems? Will the debates turn into discussions? It all depends upon the locus. If both persons have a locus on truth, they will both understand where they are stuck. If one has a pure locus to discover the truth while the other treats the relationship as an escape, it won’t work. In that case, the fearful person may pretend for a while, but those fears will surface sooner or later. Attachment will drive the whole drama. A battle of blame will follow. Only when both have a pure locus for discovering the truth do such relationships mature to a different level. That’s why the relationship between the Mother and Sri Aurobindo is so profound, and we find hardly any parallel to it. On the other hand, many scientists, artists, sportsmen, and writers fall in love with nature, art, sports, and writing. This is because nature is pure, art has no boundaries, sports have no limit to excellence, and writing has no limits to expression. They fall in love with something pure, and therefore, if they have their own locus of purity, it’s easy for them to receive reciprocation.